
‘Why do we watch soap operas?’ — a question often asked by psychologists, who then come up with oh-so-plausible theories about it being a substitute for grooming activities amongst those ancestors of ours the apes. But what you may not have considered is the possibility that soap-addiction may be Biblically based. Certainly television and radio are modern inventions, but is it right to limit the extent of soap operas to the twentieth century? Professor Fi Nix, of the Dutch Archaeological Fellowship would certainly disagree. One one of her recent digs, Prof. Nix came across a Sanskrit copy of an early 1st century soap opera entitled Christis. She believes that these early soaps were acted out in front of large audiences, and the gossip passed on by word of mouth. She even goes as far as to suggest a connection between this script and a reference in Luke 24:13–14:
Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus they were talking with each other about everything that had happened
Prof. Nix postulates that the linkage of these things is too much for coincidence, suggesting that Luke may have become distracted by an Emmaus Road episode whilst writing his gospel. If, she argues, these great men were influenced by soap operas, so should we be.
It takes, perhaps, a larger step of faith to bring these ideas to bear on modern day soap operas, but this is just what Dr. Mel Bourne of the Institute of Archaeological Studies in Siberia has done. Having heard about Prof. Nix’s work he dedicated his life to proving the worth of soap operas in a Biblical sense. Recently I travelled to Munich, where he was speaking at a conference, and spoke with him about the scriptural basis of these low-budget shows.
It appears that his work began in Exodus 34, which states:
… Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished …
It struck him how similar this verse was to a recent storyline in Brookside where Mandy and Beth Jordache were tried for murder and found guilty. Encouraged by this revelation, Bourne searched the scriptures for more indications of the righteousness to be found in soaps. His finds included a clear command from Jesus in Luke 10:27:
… love [your] Neighbours as yourself
which is backed up in Proverbs 11:2:
A man who lacks judgment derides [his] Neighbours, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.
Recently, Bourne has made a major breakthrough from a little-used translation of the Bible - the ASV (Australian Standard Version). Psalm 121:8 reads:
The Lord will watch over your Home and Away both now and forever more
In the minor prophets, Bourne’s work has prospered greatly, buoyed up by such discoveries as Joel 2:28:
Your Sons and Daughters will prophesy
While Matthew 9:12 yielded encouragement for a much derided soap:
It is not the healthy who need the Young Doctors, but the sick
“Soaps on this continent are also to be encouraged”, Bourne enthuses. He believes that another reference in Matthew backs up that old favourite, Coronation Street. “Matthew 22:9 is often misquoted” he claims “the oldest manuscripts have an extra word added in, but sadly modern translations miss it out”. It’s even left out of the footnotes of that stronghold of Scripture the NIV compact study Bible, apparently. The original Dead Sea scrolls have Matthew 22:9 as saying:
Go to the corners of Coronation Street and invite to the banquet anyone you find
Bourne grins at this point, “What a wonderful picture for all those lovable characters! I can see Raquel, in particular, fitting into the kingdom of Heaven.”
Bourne’s newest (and as yet unpublished) piece of research concerns that gloomy soap Eastenders. Apparently there are multiple references, making this soap the most holy so far. These include: Ezekiel 7:2 — “The Eastenders! The Eastenders has come upon the four corners of the land!” Proverbs 5:4 — (which Bourne believes is in reference to Sharon) “in the Eastenders she is bitter as gall”
Matthew 2:1 — “Magi from Eastenders came to Jerusalem”
Genesis 2:8 — “God had planted a garden in the East End of London”
Bourne has high hopes for many other soaps, especially Emmerdale (which, as it includes many sheep, is sure to be a big favourite with the Biblical shepherds).
So there you have it. It appears that we can watch soaps with a clear conscience from now on, knowing that they are firmly rooted in Scripture. So the next time you sit down with your slice of pizza in Vanbrugh JCR, and the Neighbours theme tune starts to play, don’t turn and start talking to your friends . On the contrary, go and turn up the sound and watch the episode closely, remembering that command of Jesus in Luke 10:27. Just don’t forget to turn it off as soon as that sinful Going for Gold comes on.
Last modified: 25th November 2005