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When I decided to go on the Catholic Chaplaincy retreat to Ilkley, I had little idea of what was going to happen. For those unfamiliar with the term, a retreat is a time spent away with a group of other people, where we discuss and deepen our beliefs, share our experiences, pray, and take time out from our daily routines.
In our case, about twenty students — under the guidance of three Carmelite chaplains — spent the weekend at the Briery Retreat house in Ilkley. I left campus anticipating little more than a nice weekend in the countryside. We had no definite goals; I wanted to relax (i.e. learn Ilkley Moor baht at) and to pray. I felt that my spiritual life could do with a bit of a boost, but didn’t expect the retreat would be of much help. For months I had been kicking along, knowing that God loves me, yet somehow not knowing it. Prayer had been possible, but not particularly enjoyable, and I hoped the break would at least force me to give the time to prayer which I hadn’t been giving it recently. On the first night we ate together, had and opening session including time for prayer, had a few drinks and went to bed. I fell asleep wondering what would happen the next day.
The focus of the retreat was to think about who Jesus is — what he was to his contemporaries, to the Church, to our society and to ourselves. One of the exercises we did in the morning was new to me, and I found it extremely powerful. In small groups, we took part in Lectio Divina (divine reading,) a way of meditating on a Bible passage that dates back to the early Church. We read the prayer of Paul, from the third chapter of Ephesians, a passage I would recommend anyone to read. We began by having it read to us, and then thinking about it in silence. After a few minutes it was read again, and this time we focussed on any words that particularly stood out for us. We meditated on why those words might be significant in our lives, and we tried to discover what God was saying to us in them. We heard the passage again, and followed it this time with contemplation, where we prayed — not with words — but simply by opening our hearts to whatever God had to say to us. The last stage of Lectio Divina is to act upon whatever God has said to you in silence, something I’ll be trying to do from now on.
At the risk of sounding like A Simon & Garfunkle song, this form of prayer reminded me of how to ‘listen to the sound of silence’. Since coming to York, I had filled every moment of every day with noise and activity, and somehow it was easy and pleasant just to sit for a long time in complete stillness.
Meditation before an icon of Jesus helped us to focus our thoughts. We looked into the eyes of the painting, and reflected on Jesus’ question: “Who do you think I am?” Sitting in silence with the others, I was able to Consider the question properly for the first time. I didn’t just spout out the usual stuck-record of words, but I underwent a total re-examination of what Jesus means to me. I felt with my heart, not with my mind. This was both painful and beautiful. I realised that too often I say that Jesus is Lord, without really meaning it, or thinking about what that involves. I felt that in the past few months I had been in the same house as Jesus, but that during that time I had taken him for granted and had not had a proper conversation with him. Even when I felt dry and unable to pray during the retreat, I knew that it was OK, and that Jesus just wanted me to be with him, even if I had nothing to say. I was getting back to the basics of what I believe, and I felt that I was restarting my relationship with God — a God who forgives and loves us, and who wants us to develop fully into the person he has made.
After meditation before the icon, we were each given the opportunity to write a letter to Jesus, telling him how we felt. I had never done anything like that, and many people wrote things to Jesus that they had never felt before. Actually writing down our feelings made us feel that Jesus was really close to us, and I have rarely felt so close to him.
The height of this closeness to Jesus was during the Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. This is a Catholic form of worship, based on the belief that Jesus is truly present in the bread consecrates during the Eucharist. During the evening, we sat in candlelight before the Blessed Sacrament, praying, and listening to readings and music. We were supported by each other in our prayers, especially through the laying-on of hands, a gesture that comes to us from the first followers of Jesus and which Jesus used himself.
The result was emotional and electrifying. In the stillness of our prayer there was a great energy from the Holy Spirit. I was contented and strengthened. Even in the face of problems, I felt God’s love would support me when I returned to normality. I didn’t know whether to cry or grin. I felt once more that life — in spite of its difficulties — is good, and that God was really helping me to become myself.
Many people find living the Christian life on campus challenging. I found it comforting to get away from York for a little while, and to be able to discuss aspects of the faith with other Christians. I really felt challenged during the weekend — some of my worries and the more unpleasant aspects of my personality had gone, and my weaknesses had been strengthened. The challenge is, of course, to stay like it when we return to our normal lives, the pressure of work, the stress of relationships. However, before we left, we resolved as a group to develop what we had felt during the retreat, and to meet more regularly in prayer. I think it will become a great force of good on campus.
I really appreciated having several international students in our group. The word Catholic means ‘universal’ and I felt that we were able to use our different backgrounds in the building up of God’s Church. Socially, we all got on very well — after all, we are the body of Christ, and all part of his one family. Because we took the risk of being open to God and to each other, we were able to learn more about Jesus, our belief as Christians, and about ourselves. Naturally, the retreat was also a good break from work, and we all enjoyed each others’ company over a few pints.
The retreat ended on the feast of Christ the King — a time when the Church recognises that Jesus is a king, not of earthly power, but whose strength lies in his infinite love. On our return, we must remember that Jesus is seen in each of us. I thank God for the amazing things that happened on this retreat, and for the outpouring of his Spirit, especially through the retreat leaders, and each one of us.
I’ve been asked to write about the CU house party (trip to Scotland for the weekend around the 7th of November), and my gut reaction is ‘help’ what on earth can I say? I for one had a really good time, and in religious terms learnt a huge amount. I will write about my experiences over the weekend (from praying on a soggy Scottish hill at midnight, to eating huge amounts of Kendall-mint cake), as I think it would be unfair to talk about God touching people in huge ways — for how should I know what God did or said for everyone who went?
I have to admit that I was pleased to get away from York for an entire weekend and to spend some time in Christian fellowship, although on the other hand, I was pretty scared about going away with a huge bunch of scary Christians, having only been a member of the CU since the summer term. Despite this, I found the house party a great opportunity to get over my shyness around Christians and to make some really good friends.
meetings (four in total I believe) where we had some really cool worships, and learnt more about John’s gospel. We also had times of fellowship, which were a good opportunity to talk and pray in small groups and a couple of seminars, the one I attended being on ‘Prayer’, which was exceedingly interesting. We also ate loads of ice cream and chocolate cake. (I will not mention the name of the Alcuin CU member who was still hungry after 3 pieces — just let’s call her Miss. Piggy)
Whilst I felt that God really seemed to move people at the Saturday evening meeting, I felt that God spoke to me in a different way, just telling me to be a little more listening to both Him and other people. This was certainly enough for me.
On a more lighthearted note, the cabaret was very funny, with a range of ‘talents’ including music, ‘teeth playing’, and a few sketches, and Mike, falling off his chair at a great velocity … what CU presidents do to get a laugh these days … We also played a rather bizarre game which included wandering around a sports hall, eyes shut screeching “Mike”, but I guess you had to be there …
So to conclude, I gained a lot from the weekend, solace from my Fulford home and a time to really concentrate on God. Whilst the organized events were really good (who can forget seeing Katya sliding in the mud — see what I mean about CU presidents doing anything for a laugh), the atmosphere was great, (how often do you get a hundred students [outside of Church and CU meeting] in one place who are interested in finding more out about God) and the consequences (ie. better relationship with God) were even better.
Finally, I’d just like to say that ever since we sang Ancient of Days in the ‘celebration’ meeting that Sunday I have not been able to stop singing it, so those who I am in the process of driving round the bend … I’m sorry! … Blame it on the musicians.
[Beware if] you are invited on a retreat with the group, but they can’t give you an overview of the purpose, theme, or activities before you go.
Extract from the University of Manchester’s document Protect yourself from destructive religious groups
The purpose of a retreat is, as the word implies, an escape. Get away from The World, from your world, to have some time to yourself for quiet and contemplation. Midway through a hectic term I needed this. However, this is not something that everyone likes the idea of — it all sounds a bit nebulous. The Wydale retreat is anything but — the event has a theme and some teaching so people like myself don’t get overwhelmed by the lack of stress and simply doze off. Take this, add a couple of chaplains, squeeze 13 students into some borrowed transport, shake over to Wydale one Friday evening, bottle it all up in a converted stable block, and leave until Sunday. Wydale is a centre run by the diocese in an old country house near Scarborough. It fulfils its requirements, being located miles from anywhere at the end of a long lane. However, no cells and benches — instead, you get a large TV lounge packed with welcoming old sofas and a phone. Food was provided by a few MethAng cooks, who somehow managed to make Kwik-Save’s best not just edible but tasty!
The day at Wydale was based around sessions led by the guest speaker, Rev. Knight, a vicar from Wales and fan of somewhat ponderous jokes. Fortunately he was also a fan of awkward questions or “sideways thinking”. His talks were based on the strange topic of “the advantages of being a sinner” ie. the advantages of knowing your own weakness. Through studying bible passages and thought-provoking exercises we grappled with various ideas; existing by grace, equality, our human nature, judging and living in the world were introduced and confronted. The material was good (you can’t beat the bible for a challenging book) and the course well thought out.
These study sessions took up a few hours a day; the remainder, minus washing up duty, was free — for pondering, prayer or play (ping pong). In the evenings we met for night prayer — a time for meditative chants, poems and silent communication with God. [I can’t mention this without a plug for night prayer at Heslington church, 10pm every Friday for half an hour. Acceptable to all (any church or none) who want a quiet time to pray or just explore their thoughts, and the nearest you get to a retreat on campus.] After night prayer those in the quiet dormitory disappeared off to bed, leaving the rest to chat or be subjected to some very silly games (‘twister’ being the most sensible of them)!
And the result? Well, I found it a great way to take some spiritual time out. Relax, pray, learn and share the fellowship of other self-confessed sinners. Having retreated from it all for a weekend, you may find that you’re in better shape to get back on the offensive.
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Last modified: 25th November 2005