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![[Photo of a woman curled up on the floor]](womanonfloor.jpg)
Low self-esteem is a common problem amongst students and many other people today. Often those who seem on the surface to be confident or even self-centred, actually have difficulties with accepting themselves. Christians are no exception to this phenomenon. In my experience, I have known many Christians who have a deep-seated sense of self-loathing. I too have always found it hard to ‘feel’ forgiven for sins, and keep feeling guilty, even though I believe God has granted me forgiveness. Where do these feelings of self-loathing come from?
Jesus said that: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me,” (Matthew 16:24). This idea of ‘denying yourself’ is probably a major root of the problem — at least for most Christians. It sounds like we should always sacrifice what we want and never indulge ourselves in anything. I find it hard to accept that this is what the passage means. Certainly, Jesus wants us to make sacrifices and put God first in everything. It’s just that I also think He wants us to continue to love for ourselves, as He continues to love us.
There is a strong suggestion in the Bible that God wants us to love ourselves. In Matthew 22:39, and elsewhere in the gospels, Jesus is recorded as saying: “Love your neighbour as yourself”. This is only a very short phrase, but it really says a lot. If Jesus does not want us to love ourselves, why would He have said that we should love our neighbours “as ourselves”? He must accept and welcome the idea that, as humans, we do naturally love and care for ourselves. Perhaps the idea is that we should love everyone equally and include ourselves in this.
However, there are other parts of the New Testament which seem to confound this argument. For example, in Luke 14:26–27, Jesus says: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters — yes, even his own life — he cannot be my disciple”. This statement seems to directly contradict the message to love yourself in Matthew 22:39. It is possible that this translation (the NIV) is harshly worded, so that Jesus did not actually say we should ‘hate’ these things. The instruction seems especially strange since “respect your father and mother” is one of the Ten Commandments. It is a confusing issue! I think the only way to read this is to separate the ‘person’ from the ‘sin’; so you love yourself but not your sinful life, you love your parents but not their wrongdoing.
To get some help on this issue, I recently read a chapter on ‘Love’ in a book called New Testament Christianity (1956) by J.B. Phillips, a translator and bible scholar. The part that interested me most was a section called The Temptation to Hate Oneself. The argument suggests that Christians are very susceptible to self-hatred because they are “brought face to face” with their sinful nature and are reminded of it constantly. A Christian finds that “the self with whom he has lived for some years in reasonable comfort becomes an intolerable person; before long he has slipped into despising himself whole-heartedly.” I agree with J.B. Phillips when he says that: “If God loves me for all my faults and peculiarities, who am I to say that I am not worth loving?”
Overall, the Christian message is to love, as expressed in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” If all Christians could love themselves like this, as well as loving other people, the world would be a much happier place.
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Last modified: 25th November 2005