The Thinker:

Because ‘Jemima Puddle’ would be a silly name for a Beatrix Potter story.

’Cause if we had Alka-Seltz they’d effervesce into the lake.

Admin’d have to spend more on porters otherwise.

Because ducklings.

Quack

Well, God created British weather for something …

Because orange sauce with anything else wouldn’t work (but don’t try this on campus!)

Why not?

They’re smaller than geese, and smaller is better (in most cases).

Because there’s always room for more obscure terminology in cricket

Because Noah took two onto the ark (Genesis 7:8–9)

The alternative (geese) are big, ugly, evil, and they hiss.

To insult the medical staff.

From which to build bridges.