The Christis Good Sex Guide

In response to the requests of literally hundreds of readers, the Christis team is proud to bring you our very first Good Sex Guide, just in time for Saint Valentine’s Day. We deliberated for some time about the best form for this guide to take. A true gentleman does not kiss and tell, and consequently we felt that drawing too much on our own experience would be a somewhat caddish approach. Equally, we did not wish to present a straightforward and morally unambiguous article in which we effectively told you what the right thing to do was. In the end we decided to combine a certain level of Biblical insight with the personal views of some of our friends and readership. In doing so, we found that almost any Christian viewpoint on sex could be summed up in one of seven categories. We therefore present this, the Christis Good Sex Guide, as being a unique example of the genre: a guide where fundamentally, you make your own mind up.

So, from the top:

S & M.

Quite a way to begin, n’est ce pas? This is a surprisingly common position held by many Christians. The abbreviation is for “Saved and Married”. In short, this position states that sex is only acceptable in the context of marriage, and one should only consider marriage to a partner who is also a Christian. This has the advantage of being entirely unambiguous, until one considers the age old question of, “How far is too far?” — for which even within this group one could find a whole range of answers.

Quote: “S & M is the only safe way to go. How else can you be sure that what you’re getting is the best for you?” Jimmy T.

Chastity

Promotes monogamy, but may consider traditional marriage an institution to be dispensed of — that sex, in fact, causes marriage, not vice versa. The practitioner of chastity would argue that between you, your partner and God, as long as you are faithful to each other (in a three-way thing) it doesn’t matter whether you’ve got that slip of paper or not. That slip of paper may, however, be a powerful focuser of the mind and genitals on the promise of fidelity, so don’t ignore its power. Also consider — by this argument, divorcees are unquestionably not allowed to remarry (or at least have sex having done so) so choose your doctrine and partner carefully.

Quote: “One love for all your life. That’s your lot.” Malcolm X.

Bible Check: Genesis 2:24

ANAL Sex

This is in some ways related to S & M, only in this instance ANAL stands for Anything Not ALlowing Sex. Effectively this states that as long as you don’t have sex with your partner, anything else is fine. Also, is less concerned with the question of whether your beloved is a Christian or not. This tends to be a little unpopular in some circles, but does at least answer the “How far…” question.

Quote: “I believe sex should be saved for marriage, but hey, that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed a bit of fun first.” Michael S.

Bible check: 1 Corinthians 7:5

Dogma-Style

In direct opposition with the ANAL Sex group, the hardcores feel that any physical contact before marriage is suspect. Of course, even within this group there are different degrees, from those who feel a bit suspicious about kissing with tongues to those who flatly refuse to hold hands with their fiancée. You’ll certainly be keeping inside God’s guidelines with a huge margin, but you might just explode. Has been known to lead to people becoming more and more insecure in their relationship. Probably one for those who believe sex outside marriage is wrong, and don’t know the limits of their endurance.

Quote: “Plenty of time for stroking each other’s hair when we’ve got rings on our fingers.” Alan K.

Freestyle

Anything goes. Have as much as you want, with whomever you want, when you want. Short term you’ll probably have a ball, but the long-term psychological effects on you and others could be intense. “Could” is, admittedly, a rather moot word. Biblical backing for this one’s a bit thin on the ground too, if that’s your preferred source of wisdom (apart from Christis obviously).

Quote: “How can something that feels this good be bad?” Karen O.

Bible check: Galatians 2:16

The Missionary Position

Not so common, but a view held by a small group of devotees. This group holds that anything is permissible so long as it is done with a view to winning more souls to the Kingdom of God, and consequently will date, and potentially sleep with, anyone. Research has shown that this approach tends to do more harm than good, but if you feel it’s your calling, you may have to go for it.

Quote: “If we’re talking getting people into heaven, then I think we’re going to have to make some sacrifices.” Arthur L.

Celibacy

Speaks for itself really. Nothing doing. No exclusive relationships with members of the opposite sex, ergo no sex. Very clear-cut, and for some a definite calling. Probably not for everyone though.

Quote: “So much less complicated that trying to deal with all those ghastly men.” Sister Mary C.

Bible check: 1 Corinthians 7:1

Hopefully this will have helped you. Christis offers you a free agony uncle service if you struggle with issues concerning sex or anything else. We do not seek to censure, only to inform and to help. Hopefully this will have vocalised some of your own feelings or beliefs and helped you to your own conclusions. Remember, whatever your approach to sex, God thinks you are very special and he loves you very much.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Chris Charlton and Paul Harford