The GREAT Soppy Valentine’s Day Quiz
Happy 14th February from Kate Harper
1. This Valentine’s Day, you will be…
a) Giving thanks for the life and work of St Valentine.
b) Sending a carefully phrased, cryptic-yet-romantic card to your object of desire, and spending the day in a haze of hearts and roses.
c) Making sniffy noises about commercialism, while being secretly delighted by the card that’s clearly not in your grandmother’s writing.
d) Remind me when Valentine’s Day is?
2. In The Sound of Music, who would you be?
a) A singing nun, a singing nun!
b) Maria, of course! She gets to twirl around on mountains, and she finds true love.
c) The lonely goatherd. He gets his girl too, you know.
d) Uncle Max. A great role-model for every entrepreneur.
3. Midway through a particularly long sermon, a vision of loveliness winks at you. What do you do?
a) Pray very hard that God will forgive such inappropriate behaviour.
b) Gasp in delight and attempt a little low-key eyelash fluttering.
c) Check to see who’s behind you. Ah yes, they’re clearly looking at Melanie two pews along.
d) Snarl.
4. What did you write on the covers of your school books?
a) Your favourite prayer.
b) The name of your beloved.
c) The name of your favourite band.
d) The name of your favourite wrestler.
5. When you think about weddings, you…
a) Know that you’re destined to be a bride of Christ.
b) Wonder whether to have green napkins, or pink. You’ve been planning since you were five.
c) Hope that you’ll manage to make it through the day without falling over / being embarrassed by your feckless best man.
d) Feel slightly sick.
6. Think about your beloved (any beloved will do). What is your stomach doing?
a) Beloved? No, can’t think of anyone.
b) Ooh, it’s been invaded by a shimmering cloud of fluttering butterflies.
c) Not much. Maybe the odd stomach-roll if I think hard enough.
d) Churning. Why are you making me think about these things?
7. What is your dearest wish?
a) To wear a wimple.
b) That the thing of beauty I’ve been gazing at in the library would notice me and sweep me off my feet.
c) Er, to pass my degree, find a job, live a happy life. You know.
d) For this soppy quiz to be over (this is the last question. Your dearest wish is granted!)