How Holy art thou?
1. How often do you go to church?
a. Every day. Twice.
b. On Sundays if I get up in time.
c. At Christmas and Easter, ‘cos my mum makes me.
d. I’ve been once on a school trip. It was rather dull.
2. How and when do you pray?
a. On my knees. As much as possible. I get funny looks
in the bar, but I am in pursuit of holiness and I don’t
care.
b. In theory everyday, in practise about once a week.
c. When it’s all going horribly wrong.
d. I don’t. Prayer is for wimps!
3. How many books are there in the Bible?
a. 66: 39 in the Old Testament; 27 in the New (that’s not
counting the Apocryphal books).
b. Err… about 40?
c. Two: Old Testament and New Testament.
d. One, duh.
4. Do you know the Lord’s Prayer?
a. Yes, in Latin, English and Ancient Greek.
b. Yes. If you say it every week in Church, it does tend to
sink in eventually.
c. We did it at school, it told you not to go on to other
people’s property.
d. It’s a prayer they say before cricket matches. Do I know
it? Why would I?
5. Who or what is the Trinity?
a. A concept of the transcendence and imminence of
God.
b. Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
c. Well, it’s like a pint of Guinness…
d. A character from the Matrix.
6. What is Christmas about for you?
a. The time when Christ, who was conceived of the Holy
Ghost and born of the Blessed Virgin
Mary, came to earth as an innocent
child.
b. Stables, shepherds and carols.
c. Donkeys, especially little ones.
d. Presents and alcohol.
7. What is genuflecting?
a. To ‘bow the knee’; to go down on one
knee. It is the most profound and
solemn form of bowing.
b. When people, usually monks, bow to
the altar in a church.
c. A type of whisky.
d. A type of sex. It’s fun!
8. Complete the following sentence: Blessed are the…
a. Blessed are the poor in spirit: for
theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they
shall be comforted. Blessed are the
meek for they will… shall I go on?
b. Err, peace makers?
c. The makers of Guinness.
d. I don’t believe in blessing people.
Occasionally I like to curse people,
does that count?
9. What is your favourite religious song?
a. Fauré’s Requiem.
b. Amazing Grace.
c. Anything from Sister Act.
d. Lets Get Ready to Rumble, — Ant
and Dec are gods!
Mostly As — Holy of Holies
Thou art holy indeed. Art thou an angel? We are in awe of your knowledge and commitment. But just remember that God doesn’t mind if you have fun now and again!
Mostly Bs — Enthusiastic but inept
Thou triest very hard. And thou is very keen. But somehow it never quite works out as you planned. Well, that’s okay. God knows how hard you’re trying, and He also knows that however hard you try, you’re never actually going to reach the angelic heights of perfection that you’re aiming for. But that’s no reason to stop trying!
Mostly Cs — Irreverent and alcoholic
While you know enough about it all not to make an idiot of yourself when your mother drags you to Church, Christianity isn’t very high on your list of priorities. When you have Guinness and donkeys, what more do you need? Hmm… May we direct you to Lizzie Grant’s article, I’d Rather Have a Sparkling Mineral Water, Please, for some thoughts on alcohol!
Mostly Ds — Eternal damnation awaits!
Well, actually, it’s never too late. While you’re not terribly interested in the whole Christian thing, God loves you, and He’d very much like you to love him too. And He’ll be overwhelmingly delighted if you ever decide to show an interest in Him!