Pink Fluffiness

Johannes M de Jong’s Ultra-masculinity

Photo: pro.corbis.com

I always start to feel a little bit awkward around Valentine’s. Not just because I’m almost 22 and quickly headed for a life on the shelf either. When people ask me what I make of it as a Christian, my instant thought is “a mess.” Walking down the street one day with a friend, and noting the innumerable tasteless, commercialised, and odiously pink hearts, combined with assertions that whatever fluffy chocolaty gooey product that particular homogeneous high street chain is selling is sure to make your lover leap for joy, I was informed that Valentine’s is a Christian festival. As a Christian, I was told, I should cut the cynicism, hold the humbug, stop the Scroogery and throw myself enthusiastically into the pink fluffiness of it all. To find out that Valentine’s was a Christian festival was mildly shocking, not to mention having the inveterate mushiness associated with my unquestionably ultra-masculine self. So what is the deal with Valentine’s? And how might Christians react? What good, might the cynics among you ask, can be rescued from the overpriced cards and singles-ism?

Well, a rigorous investigation into the history of Valentine’s and its customs, and an in-depth look at the theology of romantic love as worked out by Charles Williams (one of the renowned Inklings) would probably add immeasurably to your understanding of the situation. So I’m not going to do that. But a bit of history, I always say, never goes amiss (yes, I know I would say that, being a historian), and that goes double for the Bible. And it struck this writer that there appeared to be a useful point or two behind the layers of historical detritus that have accumulated since the days of Pope Gelasius. There, I’ve got your interest. “Who is this Gelasius character of whom you write, intrepid author?” I hear you cry. Fear not, gentle reader, for all will be revealed.

It appears that (and let me add, by way of a caveat, that the history of Valentine’s is as murky as its modern-day morality), in the vein of most widely celebrated Christian festivals, Valentine’s Day grew up out of various pagan traditions. The Roman tradition of Lupercalia, where young men and women drew names to acquire ‘partners’ for the next year, and the European tradition that birds began to mate in the second week of February, seem to have been the foundation of the affair. When Christianity began to be sponsored by Constantine from the beginning of the third century, such pagan holidays began to be increasingly covered by a Christian gloss. It was Pope Gelasius who suggested that the festival be renamed St Valentine’s, and (perhaps slightly naively, with the benefit of hindsight) that young men and women draw saints’ names instead, in order to emulate the saint they drew for that year.

Photo: pro.corbis.com

Who Valentine was is unclear. Most likely he is the agglomeration of two or three different saints, including a bishop of Terni and a physician and priest in Rome. He is reputed to have continued joining lovers in marriage despite the explicit command of the then emperor not to do so for fear of losing legionaries, and helped Christian prisoners to escape from incarceration. When he himself was imprisoned, Valentine (which one is not known) preached to his fellow inmates, and met his death at the stake in prayer and with exhortation to the bystanders to recognise and submit to the love of God. What is clear is that both were martyred for their faith, not betraying the love they had for their Saviour. Further details descend into speculation, and even the precise nature of these facts is disputed. However, the ingredients for the modern-day Valentine’s Day are all there, as are the ingredients for a little food for thought.

Perhaps there are a few things we can usefully take away from Valentine’s. Actually, that this was a day celebrated in honour of a martyr or martyrs should make us stop and think. What is it that possessed these people to be willing to be burnt alive for the sake of a God they had never laid physical eyes on? The answer, at least in part, must be love. A love for God, prompted by His love for them (1 John 4:19). A love strong enough to resist betrayal, even if the price was death. Is that not even a little bit romantic? What cannot be left unmentioned here is how the love of Valentine, ignoring for a minute all our possible theological problems with him and his legacy, found expression. It found expression in action. And as Valentine’s love for God found expression in action, so did God’s love, His love for a people He wishes to see brought back to Him. Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13). The ultimate personification of God’s love was Jesus (John 3:16), and His love was expressed through the action of dying on the cross.

So here is the first lesson for us from Valentine’s Day; love is not (or not just) stuffed toys, fuzzy feelings, or romantic gestures. It is action, a willed deed, as much a decision to sacrifice for, sustain, and accept the flaws of a person as it is a passionate emotional response to them. That presents us with certain challenges. It means that our love for partners, friends, and family, and most importantly our love for God, should be something that we commit to doing as well as feeling. It means that when the feeling of being ‘in love’ seems far away, the doing part of our love should keep us going. And when the feeling of God’s love for us appears remote, the ultimate active expression of it in Jesus Christ should remind us that it is still there.

In John 15, Jesus urges his disciples to ‘remain in my love’ (15:9). In Matthew 12, He states that ‘he who is not with me is against me’ (12:30). Perhaps the most pressing question for those in relationships in secular terms, at least at some stage if they are serious, is whether we are ‘in love’. Maybe at Valentine’s we should look to our relationships with God, whether they are restored, Christian, or still broken, non-Christian, and ask whether we are in love, in God’s love. God’s relational love is conditional, else He would not urge us to remain in it (see Don Carson’s excellent book, “The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God”, for a fuller explanation). That love is conditional on obedience, obedience to His commands. So, Christian, think carefully whether you are obeying or rebelling, and remain in His love. And non-Christian consider seriously God’s command to trust in Jesus for salvation, and come into his love, because it is a risky business being against Him!

Johannes M de Jong

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